Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
