dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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