I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
