does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
