i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
