well I can't set my house on fire every night
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Randomize
