That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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