Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
