i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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