I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
