At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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