I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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