Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize