My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
