Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Everclear isn't food dammit
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