She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
