my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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