im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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