is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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