apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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