My sheets look like a crime scene.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
