I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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