Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
