Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
