I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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