I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
