It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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