oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
