Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
