I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
