We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
