ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she smelled like a LAN party
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
