so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
