You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
