The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
