My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
