So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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