Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
