I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
