Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So vagazzling was a success
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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