I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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