Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
