we're blogging at a bar
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
