Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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