i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
