Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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