I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
