sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize