I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
