he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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