Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
