Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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