haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
