is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
