fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
