Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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