Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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