I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize