If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
