sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
