some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Success! We fucked roommates!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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