i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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