i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
