Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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