If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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