what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
