I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
