u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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