sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
pray to the hookup gods
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
