I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
