i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
