so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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