like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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