I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
