He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
