My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
