Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
