Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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