My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
