First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
