I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
