have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
