you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
