A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
