Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
