You made me cry and you don't even care
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
