Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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