Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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