After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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