I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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