So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
