Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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