that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
