Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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