ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
