Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Your tits are I can't wait for
4 words: hood of his car
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
