If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
