I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
