pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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