I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
