I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
