They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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