I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
