I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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