i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
