I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
