I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
