I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
