ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
