No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Sober January is a disaster.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think I sprained my soul last night
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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