Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
