can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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