The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
