I want to make a zoo with you.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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