you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
