Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
