just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize