No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
