she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
