So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize