i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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