guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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