my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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